Heather’s Blog
Why You Need an ADHD Specialist—Not Just Any Therapist
When you’re living with ADHD, therapy can be life-changing. But here’s the truth: not all therapy is created equal. And not all therapists get ADHD.
I say this all the time: if it isn’t me you end up working with, fine—but please, make sure it’s with someone who truly understands ADHD. Not just someone who says they do.
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Emotion Regulation Deficit Disorder: The Real Face of ADHD
You’ll never hear me call ADHD a disorder. And I don’t think of it as a disability.
I know that’s controversial. But for me—now that I’ve learned how to manage my brain—I just don’t subscribe to the disability/disorder model. Not for my life. Not anymore.
If I were to give myself a disorder, it wouldn’t be attention deficit disorder. It would be this: Emotion Regulation Deficit Disorder.
Because at its core, that’s what ADHD really is.
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ADHD Is Not a Mental Health Disorder
ADHD Is Not a Mental Health Disorder … But Untreated, It Can Destroy Mental Health.
Here’s the truth most people—even many professionals—don’t know: ADHD is not a mental health disorder.
It never was.
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition—a brain-based difference in how we self-regulate attention, emotion, motivation, and behavior. It belongs in the same family as autism, dyslexia, or Tourette’s. It is not depression. It is not anxiety. It is not bipolar.
But here’s the catch: if ADHD goes untreated, it can absolutely create mental health crises.
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Perfectionism and ADHD: Learning to Be Messy
“Be messy.” That’s what my best friend Kaytie used to say to me.
She said it often, but here’s the irony—she wasn’t very good at being messy herself. Kaytie didn’t have ADHD, but she wrestled with her own struggles. One of them was perfectionism.
And it wasn’t until she was diagnosed with osteosarcoma—bone cancer—that she started to loosen her grip on perfect. Life got stripped down to what really mattered.
Rethinking ADHD: Beyond Presentations to Self-Regulation
For more than 30 years, ADHD has been split into three “presentations”: inattentive, hyperactive-impulsive, and combined. On paper, that looks tidy. In real life? It doesn’t hold up.
I know, because I didn’t fit into any of those boxes. Instead, I was misdiagnosed. Yes—MIS-diagnosed. Like so many people with inattentive ADHD, I was first told depression. Then anxiety. Then maybe bipolar II. ADHD wasn’t even on the radar, because I didn’t look “hyperactive.” And like countless women, I paid the price for being misunderstood.
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Why ADHD Shouldn’t Even Be in the DSM
I know that sounds shocking, especially coming from me—someone who has spent her career assessing, diagnosing, and treating ADHD. But hear me out.
The way ADHD is currently defined and categorized in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) does more harm than good. It’s outdated, oversimplified, and it fundamentally misses what ADHD actually is.
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